I have yet to share this journal with anyone, and I wonder if I should? It is kind of nice to be able to write whatever I want to without being afraid of offending or hurting someone. Maybe I'm thinking too much on it. Like sure, there are some things I only feel comfortable really talking at length to with some people but I never used to worry this much about it? I think spending too much time on tumblr has made me paranoid.

It's kind of funny because even though I've always been aware of its oversensitive culture, and the way they need to throw a huge fit the most microscopic minute detail of how someone may have phrased something, it is only recently that I've actually sort of been close to it. I have yet to get any sort of anon hate or any of that directed at me but ever since I joined the roleplay community there I've seen it time and time again. Or maybe it's just the Mogeko community.

( Read more )

Writing from work. Bad Eme.

It's going to be a long day today. Working from 8:30 AM to 5:00 PM. Then at 7:00 PM there is a meeting for a religious retreat that is happening on March 5 (my official unbirthday) to March 8. I don't want to go but Edna asked me to and I know it is one of those things where I would have been asked by everyone and their mother why I didn't go if I refused. Considering I work at the church it would probably look bad as well and I already feel like people wonder why I don't attend mass.

Yet I might be getting a new job soon so maybe it wouldn't have been bad to refuse. Yet I didn't know that at the time I was asked and it is still a might. I'm going to call the person who interviewed me every Monday to see how it is looking since she said the position will be open "in a couple weeks." I should have asked for something more specific.

I wonder how it will go. It will be for Johnson & Johnson as a pick & pack employee which I've done before during the summers I worked for Primitives by Kathy. The work is simple if tiring so I know I'm more the capable of doing it. I have relatives employed there--I don't know what their exact jobs are but I know some started at $14/hr and $18/hr. I put down $12/hr for what I expected to make which is +4 than what I do now. It'll also be fulltime so I'll definitely be making much more. It'd be nice to have breathing room. I don't have a lot to spend on myself between my loans and necessities like my transportation fees and caveman phone. And that's when I'm just paying the base requirement for my loans, so hopefully now I'll be able to make more and actually progress instead of just paying mostly interest.

On the other hand there will be a lot of things I miss about the church. I really do love running the food bank and being able to help people, I love (for the most part) handling the financial aid and being able to help people that way. I love my coworkers and how relaxed the office is. After so many years working retail I enjoy being allowed to actually be comfortable and sit down, not be on my feet all the time. I do love this job and would be sad to go, at the same time I feel that it's for the best that I do. Not just to get in a better place financially, but because at the end of the day this is a Catholic Church and if there were some things my coworkers knew about me their attitude would change very quickly.

On the flipside I'm afraid of stagnating in a job like this. It's not the type of work I want to do forever, but then I have absolutely no idea what sort of job I'd want to do for the rest of my life. My degree is absolutely useless since I realized way too late that's not the kind of work I want to do with my life. So yay 80k loan for absolutely nothing.

I think for now it's best not to think too much about it. See if I get it, see exactly how much I'll be making, rearrange my budget and go from there.